My Inner-Violin

so...I have this funny feeling that things are about to change fairly soon 'round here. The air is sittin' a little thicker than before. Its like when you are lying in bed at night and its totally dark and so silent that you hear your own heartbeat... but when it is SO quiet, and so motionless, you hear this little magnetic hum so faint..... its almost like there can't actually be 100% silence. Thats the feeling I have had for the past few days....that hum. I can feel it. Its like an inner-violin buried deep inside me....playing one continuous note.... to either warn or make me aware of something....and to be honest....i have no fucking clue what. All it feels like is a change, not a bad change and not a good change, but a change.... like a new adventure. And only today about 20 minutes ago did I get the first hint as to maybe what it was.

First, Grit works for a shit company. I cant stress that any other way. She works 14 hours a day, along with all the other Steiner slaves, and at the end of the day, just as they pour their bodies into their beds, they are all individually told that they didnt work hard enough, and really shouldn't be here. This is not the way to live. Sure I bitch about my job sometimes, its what I do. But I can get off in almost every port we go to for at least a few hours and relax. Grit, along with all the other Steiners here, gets 1.5 days off in every 10 day cruise. every other day is 14 hours give or take 1 or 2 hours.

I went to SawGrass Mall in Ft Lauderdale today to buy something nice for Grit (while she worked of course..oh by the way, it was an 18 hour shift yesterday). I found her some aromatherapy satchels that you can heat up and wear around your eyes or your shoulders and I also got a feather-pad for the top of our bed so she and I can have less backaches at night. I know she will love it. Totally gonna pamper her tonight (especially after hearing what I am about to tell you).

I went upstairs just before writing this to see her in the spa, and she pulled me aside and started to cry like she has been holding it in for centuries. She and a few others were told today that they have 7 days to improve their retail sales or they are getting sent to another ship in 10 days.

The Inner-Violin plays on...

So now I am sitting here, at the computer in the crew internet room, day ZERO (well, day 1) of a new cruise....and my 'balance' is spinning like a mother fucker..... if she leaves, I go with her. pretty bold statement, i know, but really its not that crazy. the way i see it, is we would both quit. she has so much talent that she could easily find a job back in germany again. I, would come back home, do SOMETHING, and maybe a month-month and a half down the road, I am off to germany on a 6 month visa maybe assisting some post-nazi wedding photographer or something like that.... i actually know some german now... but i would have to step it up if this was actually going to happen. it sounds like I am in the clouds, I know.... but look at the life I have at the moment. Read back on the shit that I have told you all about on this blog over the last year, and then just BEGIN to think about the shit I HAVEN'T told you about.... moving to Germany on a temporary basis really doesnt sound any different..... its just a new chapter that's all.

Nothing's indefinite yet, she may not even leave at all....but sooner or later the shiplife will stop and something new will come to me....in the next chapter.

The Inner-Violin plays on...

-M-