Wednesday, August 23, 2006

How Come? Just Add Water.

This is going to be simple. This is going to be real.

I am sitting here in the internet room of the crewbar at 4:30am (yay i can sleep til 11am). I just finished a round of toasted prociutto and mozza panini's and chicken salad from the international cafe, on my way back from Skywalkers Bar with Chris (we went up for ONE.... thats an inside joke by the way.) I said my goodnights as we sat down in the corridor and smoked a cigarette (hey...shiplife) and then as i ran my ass up to drop off the dishes, I thought that I am in the perfect state of mind to just ramble on in my blog and hope something of value pops into place (my sincere apologies if i am unsuccessful). I am gone in 2 cruises. plain and simple. i can honestly say that i have no idea what i am going to do until the next ship calls for me.... yes i am doing another ship, but only if Grit and I are together... you have noidea ho hard it is to hold a CROSS-PLANET relationship.... i seriously think parts of me (referring to heart, thank you) no longer work like they used to. these people i meet on the ship: passengers and crew, are some of the most amazing things that have ever happened to me. sometimes i want to strangle BOTH of them, but when it all simmers down and i am at home in my room ON LAND... i will miss them both terribly. I remember only now, how i felt the last time i left a ship. I have made the best friends I will ever meet on these ships (if you were offended by that comment, i still hold you closer to my heart than these ones, and I know you will understand how I am feeling). I strongly feel at this point in time, that at home on land...I am nothing but a passenger. I have seen it with my own eyes. I will be forgotten to the point that only pictures and very strong feelings of the past remain. Life moves too fast here on the ships. One day is a week. One week is a month. One month is a year. (again re-iterating that this is a random rambling). How come it was so hard for me to see the world for 26 years of my life, and yet now all i have to do is press my finger down on a camera and sleep? ya know what i mean? i fall asleep and i am in a different country, and 2 times a week i am in a different time zone. the ship life is so random at every moment, anything could happen and 11 times out of 10 it usually will... i am 27 and i am still growing up. there is no fear here, and yet there is so much (but not what you ever think). things you never want to feel emotionally, whether its about family, friends, life in general... you will feel, every single day. tomorrow also, is the 1st anniversary of Port Canaveral since the list. we all know it. i remember setting up formal night and eating in Horizon Court before it happened. Tomorrow, i am sleeping in, setting up backgrounds, skipping food altogether, and wrapping myself in bubblewrap on by bed until i absolutely have to get up for portraits. to each his own.

i am still here, i am still very much alive (i am not talking about my therapy anymore... this is a general life statement now... probably only the ones who really know me will understand... the rest of you will just simply flood my blog with useless banter and shit...again)

this is just a random entry on a random blog about someone who really is happy with his life. i am struggling every day, and i never know what the next day will bring... even beyond this life. but the thing is I am happy. I am home in 21 days, long enough to enjoy my family aboard, but short enough to enjoy my family on land sooner. my love is coming to me in 1 month and 5 days, that says it all.

i strongly reccommend to everyone who loves LOVE and is not afraid of being afraid, to try working for the ships. everything you need (and i mean really really need) in life is there waiting for you.

all you have to do is just add water... (looks around all sides of the ship) ...




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